It's time

     I don't have a name for this new car and that's the trickiest part. I'm not used to not having a name for a car, but that's probably because I had Dani for so long and then a CX-30 I never quite got used to. 

    Sometimes the names "Olive" and "Jessie" run in my mind, but I can't decide and it seems like a sign that I can't choose. Wouldn't the name come as naturally to me as Dani did if it was meant to be? So what does that tell me?

    That tells me that maybe I need more space from Dani's death. And that's okay. It's been a little over a year and I sometimes cry but it's way less than it used to be and that's a win. Not that I don't love her anymore but I can see that life continues and I can be comfortable in new things, new cars, and her steering wheel cover is faded and peeling but still there. The AC in the new Protege is still broken. 

    With that, I was cringing away from beaches. Shying away. Kind of.

    My friend Brianna wanted to go to the LA My Chemical Romance concert but she can't drive at night and so she had me drive us there. The day we left we went to the beach. It felt like a resurrection. We stood up to our shoulders and jumped over waves. We got knocked down and snotty. I almost broke an ankle doing it, but we played in the ocean for an hour.

    In that same vein, Nick and I have been dogsitting for his stepmom's aunt and she has a pool with a water slide built in. We went swimming almost every night, playing whimsical games I hadn't played in a while, creating synchronized swimming dances and recording ourselves playing a game that resulted in Nick swallowing a METRIC TON of chlorinated water.

    I haven't had that much fun in a body of water since before Dani.

    I had to get a new catalytic converter for this car and so I'm a little nervous, but I think I'm going to take more steps towards a solo beach trip. I miss it.

    I think Dani would hate that I stopped going. I think she would've wanted me to jump over waves and get a tan line.