02/19/22:

 Uncle David's House 

    I woke up feeling like ass, and like I had to poop, which I hate, because every toilet here has such a low flush pressure. I can't wait to crack an American toilet bowl again. My poop was green and liquid. I was still in my PJs, and Grandma doesn't like not getting dressed before breakfast, but there was only one person who could help me: Uncle Dirk.

    Dude, can you believe this poor guy has to deal with his niece telling him all about her bowel movements? And everything else I tell him. A moment of silence and mad respect for my uncle.

    I pulled him aside from his breakfast, and delicately asked for his Imodium. He gave me instructions, and that was that. Two Pepto Bismols later, and I thought I was good. We were leaving for the store anyway.

    The store was... such a culture shock. Eggs not refrigerated-- even though I knew they wouldn't be, and I knew why-- and produce verified before the cashier, like when you buy fish and they wrap it up for you, slap a label on it? That. I found an aji paste that I'm really hoping works on Stephanie. I plan to prank her by spicing up her food on the down low. I doubt it'll work because I can't cook for shit, but maybe I can add it very subtly. She's kind of a wimp with spice.

    Uncle David showed up at like noon, after the store, and we all hung out by the pool. Uncle David's son-- my cousin, Sebastian; the one who also likes Flash-- and I talked TV and movies for an hour. Yay for my personality bringing people out of their shells!

    His favorite Wells turned out to be HR Wells, from the Savitar season. A thoroughly good choice. HR made me sob the most, I think.

    Uncle Dirk convinced Uncle David's youngest son-- my other cousin, Salvador-- to play Plague Inc., and name the virus after me. He was drunk and thought it was soooooo funny. Clear that as you age, your sense of humor gets warped. It kind of was funny. I killed everyone really fast.

    Then Uncle David, Uncle Dirk, and Jenny had to go to the ATM, so the rest of us sat around until they got back.

    Uncle Dirk came back with a small paper bag, the contents of which were a veritable pharmacy. Random pills in bags, tiny little vials of liquid, and more Pepto Bismol. When I asked him about the pills, he said, and I quote, "I don't know," accompanied by a shrug. Apparently he explained what was wrong, and the clerk handed him all this stuff. The little vials were probiotics, I could tell.

    Despite the total random pills, and sheer insanity of it, I took them as Uncle Dirk suggested. I knew he wouldn't give me something that would hurt me, and the very fact that he had bought all of these different items meant he wanted me to feel better. And that was enough to have me follow the instructions.

    As the day faded to the night, Uncle David and Jenny started talking about going shopping for souvenirs. I said I wanted to go too, and the next thing I knew, I was spending the night at Uncle David's. Huachipa is about an hour drive from Lima, and it didn't make sense to bring me back the same night, but I was still nervous. I was still blowing-- albeit slightly better-- from one end; despite all the Imodium and Pepto. The new meds were too new to affect it yet. I was worried I'd clog one of Uncle David's toilets.

    God, I can't wait to crack an American toilet bowl. I want to sit on it and just let loose and flush it all, knowing it'll go down.

    The shopping was okay. Most of the markets were closing, but I bought a souvenir for Daniela, and it's super cute.

    At least the bed is softer. No offense to my grandma. She's been super generous. But this bed is just immensely comfy and warm, but Uncle David has AC so not warm in a bad way.

    J